Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
