Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
