I got chris browned last night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
