Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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