somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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