I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
should my penis look like a turkey
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
