Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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