I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
