I think I just saw someone hide a body.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
