Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize