Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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