Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize