its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The Olympian is in my bed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
