We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
