Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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