i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i will never coherently bang her
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
