No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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