checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize