apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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