I think I died a long time ago.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
