I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
