so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
