Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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