Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
