I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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