Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
