I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
