Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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