WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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