I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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