you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize