He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
