the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
