God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she told me i tasted like america
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
