new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
