Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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