Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
