You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
