i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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