o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
