I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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