Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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