hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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