No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
