that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize