I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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