I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize