he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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