Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
