If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
