Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
