You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize