If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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