Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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