Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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