Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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