I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
