At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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