My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
