My sheets look like a crime scene.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
