my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
