even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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