my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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