Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
