Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
