I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
