I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
