you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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