you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
