I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
