If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The best revenge is premature balding
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize